what matters? (Part II)

In my last post I arrived at the inquiry of “What matters?” in my search for clarity. The first things that come to mind are the elements of my life that provide meaning and fill me with joy and gratitude. These are the things that I value, respect, and love - friends, family, community, nature, and my own health & well-being. These things are important and they absolutely matter, but they are not What Matters. What really matters is what has always and will always matter. The thing or things that are the foundation for everything else - the relationships I have with myself and others, the actions and decisions I make, they way I relate to life.

Each time I come to this inquiry I am presented with even more existential questions. The question most relevant to what matters is - what point do I want to make with this life I’ve been given to live?

I’ve spent decades pursuing and constructing images of myself that I could accept and love - that I felt was enough. They were focused entirely on what I looked like, what I did, and what I had. Eventually, though each construct imploded under the weight of expectation, judgement, and perfectionism. What I know now is that each collapse was a result of a poor foundation - based on perceived and external ideas of what happiness looked like. In other words, they collapsed due to a lack of knowing what matters.

Knowing what matters gives me direction, purpose, a send of grounding, and connection. It gives form and meaning to everything I think, do, say, and believe.

This journey that I am on has been one of uncovering and discovering. I did not know this when I embarked, but through study and practice I have come to trust that what is being uncovered and discovered is my true nature, or really just true nature (true nature is not personal and it is not mine.) It can be elusivethough, and the more eager I am to find it the harder it seems to understand. it can be like trying to grasp a cloud.

I’m not sure what words to use or name to put to my current level of understanding/awareness/experience of true nature. Words feel limiting and containing, but this is a blog so words are necessary. The word that has been arising for the past 9 months or so whenever I look deeply within is Love. I did not choose this word - it chose me so I’m rolling with it.

There’s a lot I want to and will say about love as true nature, but that is an exploration that will hopefully unfold for the rest of my time. For now, I’m answering the question of “What Matters?” Knowing and seeing my true nature is what matters. Continuously exploring and asking the question also matters. Operating from a foundaton of what matters is how I stay grounded.

What matters is my organizing principle. Staying oriented to what matters is my practice.