WHAT’S NEXT?

For the past year I have documented my mindfulness journey on social media. It began as a way to ‘walk my talk’ – I was finishing my first course to become a certified mindfulness teacher. It felt like something necessary and valuable. I was right on both counts.

During this year and through this endeavor mindfulness became my practice. It changed from something I wanted to be to something that I am – it is the operating system that organizes my mainframe. I don’t know if I could list all the ways that mindfulness has changed my life – there are so many. I could try but that would be definitive. Mindfulness is a journey, not a destination - a list is finite, the benefits and gifts of mindfulness are infinite.

Earlier this week I completed my 365 Days of Mindfulness project. I am still ‘processing’ how I feel about the end of something I’ve been committed to for a year. There were days when I simply did not want to be with what was arising and writing about mindfulness felt like pouring salt on an open wound. Still, I wrote – I used each ugly and beautiful moment as an opportunity to practice being with and learning to loving this human life that I have been given.

Now that it is over I am relieved and adrift. I am plagued by a sense of ‘now what?’

I have always been more accustomed to wanting - with striving toward something that would most certainly make me happy, whole, and worthy. The thing is, wanting has a way of keeping things just out of reach. The Buddhist traditions that I study (loosely) all make clear that wanting creates attachment and attachment creates suffering. Even wanting inner peace is attachment. There is nothing inherently wrong with wanting – it’s the attachment to the thing desired that’s the problem.

As a highly goal-oriented person it has been part of my practice to learn to let go of outcomes. For me it’s been a practice of ditching the high bar. Keeping the goals and letting go of the outcomes is a work in progress. I am endeavoring to make income from this practice, which means that I need to have objectives and goals to keep me focused. I need to think about what comes next. Doing this without getting caught up in achievement has had treacherous moments, but mindfulness provides much needed guardrails (and a parachute…and a crash pad).

So, now that my endeavor is over and the achievement achieved, what’s next? Where do I go from here?

This is where I turn to another part of my practice – making space for not knowing.

This blog is what’s next. Practicing, exploring, and discovering are also what’s next. Beyond that? Well, the possibilities are limitless.