Now what? Reimagining resolutions
Some years ago, I gave up New Year’s resolutions. They seemed like a set-up - a sure-fire way to end up feeling like a failure rather than the motivator to change. As a chronic overachiever I habitually set the bar of achievement a bit too high. Sometimes it served me and pushed me to grow my capacities, but mostly just left me wallowing in self-defeat. Often the actual resolution was reasonable and sometimes even worthwhile, but either the reasoning behind it or, more likely, the expectations I set regarding it created problems. Mindfulness and the spiritual path of yoga have almost completely saved me from this doomed cycle of suffering.
Almost. Afterall, I am human.
Resolutions keep me fixated on something in the future, something there instead of what is here here. They had a way of taking me out of the current reality and kept me chasing a fabricated vision of who I wanted to be. If mindfulness has taught me anything, it is that I have to be exactly where I am, even when it’s the last place I want to be.
When I was much younger, New Year’s Eve seemed to hold so much possibility. It offered the prospect of starting anew, wiping the slate clean, and finally becoming this person I wanted to be, some better version of myself. I remember staying up late to watch the ball drop, celebrating briefly with great fanfare, then wondering with a mild disappointment, “now what?” I’d wake up the next day with all the same fears and hopes. Alas, there is starting over with a clean slate. I’d been duped.
All is not lost, however. This marking of the passage of time is an invitation to pause and reflect. To look back and acknowledge the past – not with a scorecard that slaps a label and a judgement on things, but with openness, gratitude, and kindness. When I reflect on the past year, I see a life lived. Days full of all the things a life is full of – joys, fears, uncertainties, accomplishments, mistakes, fun, boredom, frustration, satisfaction, and so much more. I feel immense gratitude for every moment the past year has offered me – the memorable and forgettable, the joyous and the heart-breaking, the self-affirming and self-defeating.
I can use this time of gentle reflection to light my way forward – to illuminate the path that I am on so that I might make the choices that guide me in uncovering and living my truth. There are absolutely things that I want to bring some attention and intention to, most of which fall into the category of fine-tuning how I express my unique human experience. I have some ideas and I am open to possibilities. What I know is that the question of “now what?” that used to hang over me like a dark cloud now feels like the clear blue skies of endless possibility. I finally feel the excitement that I always hoped I would feel at the start of the year but never did – not because I believe that my life will unfold in certain ways, but that it will undoubtedly unfold just as it has been for 61+ years. The difference is the intention I can bring to the unfolding by staying committed to the mindfulness practices that ground me, and the confidence that I can live as the open-hearted expression of love that I am.
I offer to all who find there way to this message these words loving kindness -
May you be happy
May you be healthy
May you be safe
May you find peace
